Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Babysteps

The weather was wonderful here today, and I just couldn't help but spend the day outside! I got up and hit the treamill this morning. I started running, but I just couldn't handle the running, so I decided to just walk. I walked for four miles in one hour. It felt great even though I was tired. Later, Julie and I took the kids for a very short walk down the street and back. This evening, Julie and I took the dogs for a walk. I know we walked for at least 30 minutes ( I am guessing) and we got in another near two miles. Six miles today. I am sure that I will be feeling it tomorrow.

The funny thing is the exercise makes me feel like I am DOING something for my weight loss journey instead of sitting around and waiting for the weight to just fall of or something. I have been so stuck for SO long. I know that there have been times that I could have done better, but I keep thinking when I am being good shouldn't I lose SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a full year since I decided that I was going to change my life. My life is different. I have lost nearly 60 pounds, and I feel like a new person. More than my clothing size is different though.

I have realized something about myself. I have always seen my weight as THE issue. The key to everything. Every time that I envision myself thin, I have money. I have an organized house. I know what to say at the right times. I never feel like I want to crawl under a rock. I have perfectly behaved kids. I have GREAT HAIR! I have everything. You see for a fat girl, I have always seen my fat status as my biggest issue. It was the one thing that was holding me back, but as I have slowly learned about myself is that I haven't learned to deal with some thing sthe way that I should have. The other things that bother me are not there because of my weight!

I still feel like hiding under a rock so very often. I still feel ike an idiot in a group of people. I still second guess even those closest to me. I still am intimidated by thin people. I still have trouble with my kids. I still have trouble getting organized. I am still not rich! All those things that I like the least about myself are still there no matter what the scale says.

I am having to learn to deal with so many of these issues. I am just trying to babystep through them. I have been working on the house and disorganization issues. I have slowly tried to ease my routines again. I have been trying to find the Flylady bandwagon again. I have been trying to to get that kind of stuff under control.

I know that there are issues that are much bigger than the way I feel about my house. I only feel like I can tackle a little at a time. So here is where I am starting. We will see what happens.

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