6 Miles!!!

I did it. It nearly killed me, but I did it. Six miles in one session. I ran 30 minutes (at 5.5mph) of the 78 that it took. I really wanted to see if I could do it. My feet are sore, and I am pretty sure I will be sore tomorrow. I still need to stretch and do my situps and pushups because the little guy was begging to nurse by the time I got done.

So I just had to brag a little. I am quite proud of myself!

A New Scale

I finally broke down and bought a new scale. We needed a new one so bad. I purchased on that measured BMI and hydration levels.

I am a little dissappointed in it thusfar. It seems a little unpredicable. I was also shocked to see that when I weight three pounds less, My BMI was supposedly up a percent.

I don't understant it. I think a trend down is what I am looking for so I don't care how I get there.

My meeting tonight

Well, the news was better than last week. I didn't gain. I lost 1.2.

The thing that irritated me was the fact the leader was like "Oh, see you are losing again!" WHAT? So I lost one pound! Don't get me wrong, I am happy it wasn't a gain, I am just not ready to hang the "yippee, I am off my plateau" banner. I will think that when I am past the four pounds that I have lost 20 times in the last 7 months.

The answer I keep gettting is, well, keep at it. Of course, I am going to keep at it. I have no other choice. I do think that my WW leader should have more ideas than eat less, eat more, eat less, eat more, keep at it.

UUUUUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGGH!!!!

Feeling Proud of Myself

I logged 20 miles this week! TWENTY. My goal this week was 18, and I thought I might have overdone it. I am still not running them all, but I am moving and that is all that matters.

It makes me excited at the thought of what I might accomplish this week. I am setting my goal this week for another 20. I know that if I keep moving and pushing myself this weight will come off. I am confident.

5 miles!!!!

I did it. I logged 5 miles in one session on that dreadmill! I ran in intervals, and walked the rest. I worked out for a total of 66 minutes. I am quite pleased with myself. I am exhausted, but happy.

I really feel that I am accomplishing something even though the scale isn't moving. I feel stronger. I feel like my lungs are stronger, almost bigger. I feel my posture improving. It is weird, and I am sure undiscernable to anyone else. It is all about how it FEELS.

I can't say that I don't hope to see that scale moving REAL soon. I neeed it to move. I want it too. I will it to, yet it doesn't. However, I am happy with the subtle changes going on, and I know that I am healthier because of it.

My meeting last night.

It doesn't get anymore frutsrating that this. I have only been weighing in every three or four weeks. The last time I had weighed in, I had finally lost three pounds. It put me down where I was before, but at least the scale was moving in the right direction.

Since then, I have been working hard. Staying within my points. Getting in exercise. I walked/run 16 miles last week.

I weighed in last night. I am back up the three pounds. I almost cried.

Babysteps

The weather was wonderful here today, and I just couldn't help but spend the day outside! I got up and hit the treamill this morning. I started running, but I just couldn't handle the running, so I decided to just walk. I walked for four miles in one hour. It felt great even though I was tired. Later, Julie and I took the kids for a very short walk down the street and back. This evening, Julie and I took the dogs for a walk. I know we walked for at least 30 minutes ( I am guessing) and we got in another near two miles. Six miles today. I am sure that I will be feeling it tomorrow.

The funny thing is the exercise makes me feel like I am DOING something for my weight loss journey instead of sitting around and waiting for the weight to just fall of or something. I have been so stuck for SO long. I know that there have been times that I could have done better, but I keep thinking when I am being good shouldn't I lose SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a full year since I decided that I was going to change my life. My life is different. I have lost nearly 60 pounds, and I feel like a new person. More than my clothing size is different though.

I have realized something about myself. I have always seen my weight as THE issue. The key to everything. Every time that I envision myself thin, I have money. I have an organized house. I know what to say at the right times. I never feel like I want to crawl under a rock. I have perfectly behaved kids. I have GREAT HAIR! I have everything. You see for a fat girl, I have always seen my fat status as my biggest issue. It was the one thing that was holding me back, but as I have slowly learned about myself is that I haven't learned to deal with some thing sthe way that I should have. The other things that bother me are not there because of my weight!

I still feel like hiding under a rock so very often. I still feel ike an idiot in a group of people. I still second guess even those closest to me. I still am intimidated by thin people. I still have trouble with my kids. I still have trouble getting organized. I am still not rich! All those things that I like the least about myself are still there no matter what the scale says.

I am having to learn to deal with so many of these issues. I am just trying to babystep through them. I have been working on the house and disorganization issues. I have slowly tried to ease my routines again. I have been trying to find the Flylady bandwagon again. I have been trying to to get that kind of stuff under control.

I know that there are issues that are much bigger than the way I feel about my house. I only feel like I can tackle a little at a time. So here is where I am starting. We will see what happens.

A New Day.

I made it through yesterday, completely on program. If I sniffed it, I wrote it down and counted it. I had enough points for a little sweet and popcorn left at the end of the night. That is important to me. I need that when I am bored at night.

I got up and faced the treadmill this morning. I started running, but my shoes and feet were killing me. I can't find the better pair of shoes that I have and these ones are killing me. I decided I would just walk four miles in a hour instead of running for 30, and walking for ten. I just need to be moving, so I am going to be happy with that.

I retook the online point quiz last night, and it leads me to believe that I may not be eating enough points. I am not sure I am ready to add points yet, but I think that I may eat my activity points and see what happens.

I am hoping I can get the scale moving again real soon. I am tired of being stuck. It is time to get it all moving in the right direction again. I want to lose 15 pounds before summer really hits. I can do it!

Tomorrow is THE day!

I have been kinda slacking off the last couple days. I have been kind of listless and tired. I just haven't been able to concentrate on anything. Tomrorow, I have to get it together. I am going to go NAZI OP and make sure I get my five days in on the treadmill. I only got in 4 this week for 12.5 miles. My goal was 15, but I missed it.

I will go to WW tomorrow but I will not weigh in for another week or two. I just can't handle being ruled by that scale!

I have been trying to babystep my way into getting things together in several areas of my life. I don't want to jump in the deep end and then not be able to keep up with everything and just give up. I am trying to start slow and ease into it all. I have shined my sink 4 nights in a row. I have been trying to pick up at night so I don't feel buried first thing in the morning! I need to get some extra projects done and for that, the house work needs to be caught up.

So tomorrow starts a new day. I am going to take one day at a time. We will see where it gets me. Summer is coming and I really want to get another 20 pounds off!!!! It just isn't happening too fast!

Bored

I am sitting at work, and kinda bored today. Two of or regular preparers are out today (I work in a tax office on the weekends!) , so that means the traffic is quite slow. So many people are procrastinating at this point because they are afraid they owe! The traffic will pick up again when they realize they have to pay no matter how long they wait.

I am fighting the urge to eat. Eat everything. Eat aything! I did grab a few pretzels from my mom's desk, because I figured it was the least of the evils. I am bored, so what else should I do, but EAT! Okay, I will write a little too.

Dh is going to work on my blog this afternoon and make it look a little more like me. Should prove interesting!

A Personal Battle

I decided that I needed a new blog. I will continue to blog at HSB. I am fighting a very personal battle and I have needed a place to write about it. It is a daily fight for me, and I often want to write about it. I am, of course, talking about my battle with weight.

I know now that this is more than a battle with food. It is so much more than that. It is about emotion and dealing with the reasons that I eat and the reasons that I have felt comfortable staying fat. I just don't want to bore you at my blog about our everyday life with my fat.

I have said many times that I may need therapy. I think that I have some deep seated issues related to my eating and weight. I just can't and won't afford it! LOL! Unless I win the lottery, I will have to wage this war without the help of a professional.

If you want to come here and read, it is up to you. I don't want to hear that I am crazy for feeling this way. I don't want to hear you tell me that I am so for feeling the way I do. This is my personal sounding board. If I think it, I am going to just put it out there. I am working through a lot here. If you have never battled weight, it is not something that you are going to understand.

So if you are along for the ride... it promises to be interesting.