I must be a runner

I often doubt that I am a runner. I doubt the most when I am around REAL runners. You know the type :perfectly toned, fatless bodies, Skimpy little clothes, long legs that seem to never end. Those people completely intimidate me. When I run near or around them I feel like a big fraud. I can hear what they are thinking, "Oh my goodness, look at the fat chick try to walk fast. I hope she doesn't cause an earthquake."

I haven't wanted to run daily while I am hear in Wyoming. I run for so many reasons, but one of the big things is to think. I spend a lot of time thinking about everything, and I enjoy the time alone. Well, here I am in a home that isn't my own, and I can really use the time to think and e alone. I would love to run daily for the alone time!

When we pulled into town it was 59 degrees. I was already thinking about the wonderful the running would be this week. Well, a cold front arrived shortly after we did and the snow followed shortly after. The snow has been light, but this morning when I headed it out there was a soft blanket over everything. It was a lovely 18 degrees out, but I was determined.

The run was not the easiest. I spent most of my time making sure my footing was secure. The sidewalks we fine because the thin layer of snow provided traction, but the intersections and driveways, were treacherous. I can't help but wonder what the "real" runners do when running these conditions.

I persevered and it felt great. I felt like a real runner. Sure, I am still the fat chick torturing the pavement, but I was out. I was doing proving to myself that I could do it even when it was 18 degrees and snowing in foreign territory.

I need to quit ignoring this blog

I really want to blog here. I just have so little time and energy. I don't even post of my other blog very often. Throughout my day I think of things that I would love to blog about here and there, but I just don't find the time to get to it. When I finally have time (usually late at night) I just don't have the energy to put it out there.

I have been mentally dealing with alot as far as my health and body goes. I really thought as I lost weight that the fat girl mentality would somehow disappear with the pounds. It hasn't. I still hate my body and I still criticize myself daily for that. I have times that I feel really great about the way I look. I know that I look so much better than I did when I started this whole journey, but everytime I look in the mirror, I still see the fat girl.

I feel strong and healthy, but I still am so unhappy with it all. I know that it is good to want more, but is there a point that I will finally be happy? I can't go anywhere without comparing myself to other people, especially anyone of similar age and in the same stage of motherhood. I compare myself to runners and that make me half ill.

I don't know how to fix that all, but I am determined to work on it. One thing that I KNOW that I can do something about it is my training. I want to make a commitment to train seriously. I want to eat better so I can train easier. I know that a marathon will be a lot easier if I can finally drop the last 30 pounds!

Here are my goals. I am going to put it out there for all to read (all two of you :)

Big Goals:
Rockford Half Marathon on May 18, 2008
Chicago Marathon on Octover 12, 2008

The Little Stuff that will get me there:
Push my mile to under 9
Increase my base mileage
Weight training
Yoga
No soda
More water
Eat with purpose